So, it’s been a while since I last wrote – around 2 months. But, this has given me time to ride the bus more and have a better insight into the ways of public transport.

First, let’s discuss protocol. When entering the bus there’s a certain “pecking order” to who gets on first, second, so forth. I believe this probably has to do with time in service. Those who’ve ridden the longest go first, as if to lead the rest of us dummies into the machine that either takes us to work or takes us home.

However, I am different. I do not believe there should be a pecking order. I believe in first come, first served. I don’t care if anybody gets pissed. My pass is as good as anybody else’s. Maybe even better since I don’t pay for it, my employer does.

Oh, and there’s 3 types of riders: front, middle, and rear. They will sit in the same row, or set of rows they’ve sat in since the invention of the bus. I am a front rider. First row behind the driver. This, however, presents it’s own set of issues.

The first issue is the other people boarding after me or are picked up along the route somewhere. They pack like they’re moving to a bomb shelter with a purse, a backpack, and a tote bag. Seriously??? Just for one day at work you need all of that? But the issue is they – with all of their daily baggage try making it down the narrow walk way and hit me with their crap and show zero concern. They’re too busy trying to make it all the way to the back of the busy to worry about hitting someone with their multitude of luggage. Kind of like getting on the plane, but at least there’s a limit as to how much you can bring on the plane.

Another issue is the talking that goes on between the driver and the passenger in the front row by the door. I think they’ve been riding together – him driving, she is riding – for a really long time. Hell, their on a first name basis. I think the driver’s name is Cary or Gary, whichever, but I don’t really give a shit. Except, the woman in the front seat is such a backseat driver to him. “Get in the other lane,” “Don’t forget the stop up here. I think I see people waiting,” and on and on… Shut the f*&% up already. And they talk and talk and talk about what’s going on in their lives. I don’t want to hear about your daughters wedding. I really try to ignore going as far as noise cancelling headphones.  I mean there’s even a big sign that says “Don’t talk to the driver.”

Which leads me to one more thing: I DO NOT want to talk to anybody on the bus at all, which is why I sit where I sit. I don’t even want to sit next to anyone, and luckily my bus always has extra seats so no one is clamoring about sitting next to me. I simply want to sit there and listen to podcasts.

A protocol that I wish there was is that if you are paying in cash, go to the back of the line, else you’re holding up everyone else behind you while you count out exact change.

Oh, another protocol I wish were in effect is not riding the bus if your sick. Stay off the bus and quit turning it in to a petri dish. It’s an enclosed space that’s not really big so all of your hacking and sneezing is cutting incubation time in half. Public transportation is NOT for the infirm. So, don’t, just don’t. Just a public service announcement from the Department of Health.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the bus. It’s gets me from point A to B and back again with little worry about the traffic.

So, the take away is as follows:

• Don’t act like there’s a pecking order about who gets on the bus the soonest;
• Don’t bring your life in as many bags you can handle or not handle on the bus;
• Don’t talk to the driver;
• Don’t talk to me – ever;
• Don’t pay in cash, but if you do, get to the back of the line; and
• Don’t ride the bus if you’re sick.

It’s really very simple, but the real issue is that no one thinks of anyone but themselves in regards to public transportation. Not even me. I will jump over the parent with the buggy and child just to get on first. And like the rest of the riders, I don’t really think I care.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than 2 months)….

The Dapper Dyke